Heaven Joke

A man died and went to
The Judgment, they told him , “Before you meet with God,  I should tell
you — we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do
 anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do
with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a
decision?”

The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I
was driving along and came upon a person who was being harassed by a
group of thugs. So I pulled over, got out a bat, and went up to the
leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced
through his lip. Well, I tore the  ring out of his lip, and told him he
and his gang had better stop bothering this guy or they would have to
deal with me!”

“Wow that’s impressive, “When did this happen?”

“About three minutes ago,” came the reply.

Clean Restaurant Joke

So these two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack. “Hey Tom” said Oscar to his friend, “You know that restaurant down the block? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps, and I couldn’t believe how clean it was, I could practically see my reflection through the shiny waxed floor.” “Oscar” hollered Tom spitting the food out of his mouth, “please not while I am eating!!”