Enough Is Enough

My old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, “You’re next!”

After a while, I figured out how to stop them. I started doing the same thing to them at funerals!

Hearse Joke

Jim grabbed his
suitcase off the luggage carousel and headed outside to hail a taxi. A
taxi promptly picked him up and they were on there way. Twenty minutes
into the ride Jim had a question for the taxi driver, “Excuse me sir”
said Jim tapping the driver on the shoulder. “AHHHH
HHH” screamed the taxi driver swerving the taxi across three lanes of
traffic finally stopping the car on the opposite shoulder. “What the
heck was that all about?” demanded Jim thoroughly shaken. “I’m sorry,”
said the taxi driver, wiping his brow, “this is my first day on the job,
 I’ve been driving a hearse for the last fifty years!”<br /><br />

Flowers Joke

“What the heck is going
 on here?” said an angry  man storming into the florist shop. “I just
lost one of my main clients and it’s your fault!”

“Why don’t you calm down a bit” said the lady behind the counter, “and
let us know what exactly happened.”

“Well,” said the man “My biggest client moved to a new location, and to
be nice I called you guys up and asked you to send him some flowers with
 a note saying “congratulations on your new location.”

He calls me up and says to me “what’s the big deal with sending me  a
note that says “rest in peace?!”

“Oh no!” she sighed, “now I know why I got a nasty message from the
funeral parlor!”