Deathbed Joke

Edward was lying on his
 deathbed and the family was taking turns spending time with him. As he
was speaking to his young granddaughter Emily, Edward suddenly smelled
an all too familiar smell. Why it was his favorite – apple pie! His wife
 Sandy must have been baking it for him to enjoy this one last time.
“Emily dear,” asked Edward. “Would you please go ask Grandma for a slice
 of that Apple Pie? It’s smells so delicious!” Emily ran off to fulfill
her dying Grandfather’s last wish. A moment later, Emily returned empty
handed. “Where’s my pie?” questioned Edward. “Grandma said it’s not for
now” responded Emily, “it’s for the funeral”.

Last Wish Joke

Anne was on her
deathbed breathing her last. “Anne”, said Anne’s husband Jim. “Please,
please,tell me, is there anything I can do for you?” “Well” croaked
Anne, “There is something. After I die, it would mean so much to me if
you would marry my best friend Sandra.” “You have nothing to worry about
 Anne” said Jim taking her hand, “I’ve been thinking about that for a
while now already.”

Hearse Joke

Jim grabbed his
suitcase off the luggage carousel and headed outside to hail a taxi. A
taxi promptly picked him up and they were on there way. Twenty minutes
into the ride Jim had a question for the taxi driver, “Excuse me sir”
said Jim tapping the driver on the shoulder. “AHHHH
HHH” screamed the taxi driver swerving the taxi across three lanes of
traffic finally stopping the car on the opposite shoulder. “What the
heck was that all about?” demanded Jim thoroughly shaken. “I’m sorry,”
said the taxi driver, wiping his brow, “this is my first day on the job,
 I’ve been driving a hearse for the last fifty years!”<br /><br />

Last Wishes Joke

Old Max had started out
 as a diamond cutter, and through hard work and good judgement he
finally became the owner of a National chain of jewelry stores. He was
wealthy indeed.

But now, he lay dying, so he called his wife to his side. “Hannah,” he
began, “I always meant to draw up a will but somehow I never got around
to it. So pay close to attention to my last wishes.”

“Yes, Max, I am listening,” Hannah wept. “Whatever you want, it will be
done.”

“First of all, the business I leave to Harry.”

“Oh, no, Max, not to Harry!” his wife protested. “With Harry it’s
girl-girls-girls! Leave the business better to Jerome. He’s at least
reliable and has a good head for figures.”

“Alright, let it be Jerome,” sighed the dying man. “To Harry I leave the
 stocks and bonds.”

“Better you should leave me the stocks and bonds. I should take care he
doesn’t squander it on women or cards.”

“Very well, in your name I leave the securities. And the summer house I
leave to our sweet Minnie.”

“Minnie!” exclaimed his wife. “What for what does Minnie need another
summer house? Her husband didn’t buy her one last year? Give it to Anna –
 her husband is a poor man. After all she’s our flesh and blood too.”

“Fine! Anna gets the summer house,” he sighed resignedly. “And to our
youngest Abe, I leave the car and the warehouses.”

“But Abe has already 2 cars. What does he need with another one? And he
wants to be a musician – what would he do with warehouses? Take my
advice and give them to Louis.”

That did it! Old Max had taken all he could of his wife’s interference.
Raising himself off the pillow and summoning his last ounce of strength,
 he snapped, “Hannah, you are a good women and have been a fine wife and
 mother. But listen – who the hell is dying around here – you or me?”<br />
<br />

Money Talks Joke

Eddy was just a regular guy. Except for the fact that he was an only child and the fact that his billionaire father was breathing his last.
Since Eddy was a soon to be billionaire it only made sense that he should have a woman to share his riches with. Eddy approached his childhood crush. “Hey Sandra, I may look like a regular guy, but I’m soon gonna be a billionaire! Do you wanna come home with me?”
“Sure thing” Sandra replied, “I would love to come home with you.”
And that’s the story how Sandra became Eddie’s Stepmother.

Death Humor

Adam woke up suddenly, sweating all over. “What’s the problem”, asked his wife. “Are you OK?” “I just dreamed that I died!” responded a shaken Adam. “And it was so bad up there, and that’s why you’re sweating all over?” asked his wife. “You bet!” exclaimed Adam. “I got up there, and was right in front of G-d himself, when he suddenly sneezed…..and I didn’t know what to say to him! Whoa was that traumatic!”